Project '3x10' - Day 13: Uncertainty.

...
"Reasons I don't talk to you anymore:
  1. You're stupid.
  2. You forget everything I say.
  3. All the shit that comes out of your mouth makes me so mad!"

"So what, EXACTLY, do you want me to tell you then? I want to know. Seriously"

"You know what, IDK. 
 Lately, every existing person had been a source of annoyance and hatred. And I have absolutely no idea what I want from you, or anyone else, or even myself. All I want to do is to sit alone, and not see or hear anybody. I'm done with everything and myself. I really don't have a desire to live anymore. What is there to look forward to anyway? I feel like I've had enough.
..
And when I look at myself, I disappoint myself because I am angry, and sad, and weird all the time, and then I'm bitchy to all those around me. The way I talk to everyone isn't the way I want to be talked to, or isn't even who I used to be." 

"I think I can relate. Idk I just see everyone so much determined, happy and successful, and I feel insecure. I just don't want anymore people and shit in my life. Now I just hear people talk and I don't even care what they're talking about.
 I have no idea what to do next.."

"Sometimes, I just wish I had a new life, with new places and new people. Things might get better then..
 But mostly, I can't wait for this life to end.

 Goodnight."
...

Perfection.

He moved his fingers around the base of the glass cup. Round. Cold. Sleek. Sexy.
Perfect.
And the very next moment the cup was moving towards the ground. More like the ground seemed to be gravitating towards the cup. As soon as they made a connection, the glass transformed into a mass of tiny crystals. Each single shard flying off in every possible direction, escaping the perfection it used to be a part of.
And now as he stands there, watching innumerable little remnants of a once flawless entity; he realizes that there's literally nothing to put it all back together. Each little piece of glass creates its own tiny rainbow, throwing colors over his twisted face; reminding him of all the emotions that stormed inside of him, before he let it go.
Illusion.

(Never) Let Go.

Project '3 x 10' - Day 8: Non-sense.

From far away, even the Earth and the sky seem to meet at a single point, but they don't. We're way too ignorant about the far-fetched, and hope is the only thing we can rely on.
But I'm scared of the future, of the unexpected, of the unpredictable. I've hooked up so many people on hope, saying time will make things right, will heal all those hideous wounds, will bring the best for you in the end. But what if nothing turns out the way we want it to be? What if their lives turn into shit? I'll be the one guilty. I'll be the one who elevated their hopes way too high. What if they actually had to take initiative, do something, anything, to put things in order? I'll be the one who distracted them off their paths that they were actually supposed to be on. I'm confused. And there's noting I can do about it.
Maybe it's all about belief. Belief in the fact that God has plans for us. Plans that our minds cannot comprehend. Plans that are inescapable. Belief in the fact that there are some reasons behind everything that happens, and we just have to accept them without questioning. Belief in the fact that whatever happens, happens for good.
I believe that our thoughts can eventually influence the out comings. That everything we see, we perceive, has a consciousness. And that we constantly interact and influence each other, even though we might not know about it. If we concentrate all our belief on something, all these 'conscious' things might agree with us and actually help us. And we can actually change the direction things will head on; turning them the way we want them to go on. Mystic forces. Cool stuff.
This does not make sense at all.

Word Count: 303.

Project '3 x 10' - Day 6: Not-so-pleasures.

It's when your own loved ones let you down, breaching your every single ray of hope, of trust and belief you were left with.

It's when you're the focal point of uninvited criticism that you have to deal with every second of your life, turning your existence into a mere joke.

It's when you have to say goodbyes, not having a single clue where if your fates will ever converge again.

It's when you're helpless, and devastated. And you try to come up with any reason you could think of to justify the question: Why, I exist?

It's when you haven't had a single bite of cheesecake for over years what it seems like. 

It's when hope and staying strong are only delicate words out of a fictional story, and the fear of the unknown and unexpected crushes you slowly.

It's when you try to put your thoughts in words. But you're too exhausted of emotions and the suffering, that you just sit there, tongue tied.

It's when you're too far away to actually 'be there' for them. And you just rely on the mystic forces controlling the being, and pray, that everything will be alright. 

It's when you're way too disarrayed regarding your life, looking for that one single direction to head towards.

It's when you strive to bring a change, but people throw sticks and stones at you because they’re too ignorant.

It’s when you know that money can’t buy happiness, and still you wish your parents were filthy rich.

It’s when you take a bite of mint chocolate ice-cream, and realize how it was the worst idea mankind ever came up with.

It’s when you look back at life and wish you hadn't wasted your time on things and people who didn’t deserve it, at any cost.

It’s when you dip your biscuit in the tea for too long, and it just disappears. Leaving you with a half biscuit and whole disappointment.

It’s these not-so-pleasures in life, which blow everything worthwhile.

Word Count: 331.

Project '3 x 10' - Day 5: Pleasures.

It’s when you spray so much whipped cream in your mouth it won’t close at all.

It’s when you walk bare feet on a cold floor, making every pore of your body shiver pleasingly.

It’s when you smell a newly bought book, your consciousness making contact with the words inside.

It’s when you put your hand inside a bag of rice, and every single grain brushes against it as you retract it.

It’s when you succeed in making a goal for the first time in life, taking the soccer ball all across the field by yourself.

It’s when someone replies your text with a single smile, and it just makes your day brighter.

It’s when you listen to that very same song for the gazillionth time, every word of it as though new to you.

It’s when you laugh so hard for that one joke, ending up literally on the floor laughing.

It’s when you successfully manage to put a whole gol gappa inside your mouth without making a mess.

It’s when you finally get the right answer to a math problem that you’ve been trying to solve since god knows when.

It’s when you stand under sunlight forever on a frigid cold day, as rays of light bombard you and the warmth penetrates all across your skin down to each single cell.

It’s when someone thanks you for that little favor you did without even thinking about it once.

It’s when you get an unexpected call as soon as the clock strikes midnight on your birthday.

It's when it rains after a whole day of scorching heat, and you just let the miniature drops of heaven fall down and drench you till you're satisfied as you wish to be.

It’s those little pleasures in life, which make it all worthwhile.

Word Count: 301.

Project '3 x 10' - Day 4: Conundrum.

   It's the same thing, over, and over again. Circumnavigating around the same purpose, putting your existence to no use. Wasteful.
   Is this actually what we are here for? What is this all about? We come here, longing for a better future; which in our case is nothing more than a fine dinner, couple of clothes, better mileage cars and what not. We are put to a cat mouse race and are horded like animals. We cheat, lie, steal, hate, envy, fight, grudge; and in the end, everyone ends loosing something. Everything.
   Each one of us ends up at the same place. Don't we? The frightening darkness where past, present and future does not hold the slightest meaning. Where gravity crushes you with all its might, but pain, suffering and agony has no interpretation. And you descend downwards, day after day, layers and layers of Earth forcing you beneath, into an unimaginably heated up core of the planet. And you end up into sweltering material, like everybody else, fueling the kiln till you're supposed to do so.
   What is it then? The relations, these emotions, society, politics, morals, innovation? Are we really a part of a master plan? Every one of us carrying out our insignificant role, moving in the same direction as this plan approaches fulfillment. Maybe it isn't so dextrous as we imagine it to be. Maybe we are just mere coincidence, waiting to be extinct again. Waiting for the vastness of this Universe to be dead silent, pitch black & frigidly cruelly frigid again.
But then again, God does not play dice with the Universe.
Existence, is a conundrum.


 "Our sunsets have been reduced to wavelengths and frequencies. The complexities of the Universe shredded into mathematical equations. Science proclaims that we are a meaningless speck in the grand scheme. A cosmic accident'' - Dan Brown

Word Count: 307.

Project '3 x 10' - Day 3: H.O.P.E.

       I was awestruck. Obviously, I had never, ever, seen such a gargantuan edifice. Probably because I belonged to Pueblo.
       Walking into the Colorado Springs mall, my eyes tried to take in all the information at a glance, which was inadequate, nonetheless. Can't remember the name of the mall; it probably doesn't matter anyway, since there were a dozen more malls like the one I was standing in, for sure, sprawled all across the city. Eyes darting back and forth, I could see every single thing there, you just name it. I was new to U.S. Everything was different; rather sparkling, sleek, appealing.
      Winding across the labyrinth of innumerable shops, going through the awkward stepping-on-the-escalator moments, we entered a random shop selling some cool stuff. Stuff that I wasn't really interested in. But what caught my attention was this blonde girl peeping from behind a shelf. I was used to it; people looking at me with awe-inspiring gazes, wondering how on earth an alien like me ended up amongst them. It wasn't frustrating at all. I felt special. I remember wearing a shalwar kameez that day. I thought maybe she was interested in the peculiar clothing I had on.. But it was something else that she noted.
       She finally strided towards me. About 16, beautiful blonde hair. I was pretty sure she was Italian. Should've asked her when I could've. She initiated the converstaion. It was the second phrase that took me aback. Is she like, kidding me! must've been my mistake. I asked her again, I'm sorry what did you say your name is?
Hope.
Hope Scott.
That, my friend, is a really cool name. I said to myself.
We talked about the usual it's-so-awesome-to-be-an-exchange-student stuff. And then she asked me what she had been so tempted to ask from the beginning.
Are you Muslim?
Well, DUHH! Again, talking to myself.
I answered in affirmation. And then she narrated regarding how she was a Christian by birth, but she just converted to Islam a couple of moths back. I could see how happy, and hopeful, she was to see me. She found someone as alien as she was. She also introduced me to her friends. And then she started telling me about how her parents don't like this choice she made.
I felt it coming. Sort of. She asked me if I'd like to see her parents. How could I've said no. Her parents  seemed uninterested, or maybe disgusted. I have no idea.
I added her on Facebook the first thing after getting back home. She'd occasionally talk to me about her struggle she's going through. And it kindled a hope somewhere within me. After a couple of months, she changed her names to Fatima. I was deeply happy  ecstatic about it; the way she was sticking to her beliefs and paving way for a better life for herself, where she can live according to her own rules with no regrets, no blames.
I have no idea where is she? how is she? or what is she doing right now? She just disappeared off of Facebook one day. I did try to search for her. Didn't work. I just wish wherever she is, and however she is, she believes that she WILL get there one day.
It's all about hope after all. Isn't it?

Word Count: 554.

'3 x 10' - Day 2: Ehsaas-e-Jurm.

...Hamain itni bulandi se koi cheez vaazeh nazar nahin aati. Ham aasmaan se qareeb ho kar zameeni haqaiq se door ho jate hain. Ham apni apni ana or khwahishaat k ghoron par sawaar ho kar zabaan-o-qalam ko talwaar bana kar haath main pakar lete hain or phir sachaiyoon ko aesa taar taar karte hain k ikhlaqiyaat se ghasib lutairoon ko bhi maat de daalte hain...
                                                                                                -Hamid Mir.

I get the point. Everybody wants to be heard. One way or another, every person wants his/her opinions, ideas and emotions conveyed. And it’s absolutely OK with me. It’s the consequence of human existence, after all. We interact with each other, impacting the thoughts, beliefs and perspectives of people as we move on with the trail of our lives. Our minds perceive that impact and either condemn it, accept it, or alter the previously held perspectives. The end result: expression. We need others to acknowledge the effects the impact had on our minds. And again, that is all OK.

But then the picture gets ugly.

With this constant impulse to express yourself, people really don’t seem to care whether they’re saying the right thing or not. Whether their actions satisfy the moral limits set by the society. Whether their opinions uphold the esteem of people they’ll most likely impact. They just go on & on with stuff that’s nothing more than mere gibberish by that point.

With the media gaining power day after day and becoming a primary factor that influences people’s lives at every level, I’m becoming more assertive of the fact that not everybody should be entitled to express themselves at all times. People might not agree with me regarding this matter, but I’d rather search for truth myself than listen to hypocrites who twist, turn and exaggerate a simple fact in so many weird ways that it becomes hideously disgusting. Why not just lay it all out all there and let us decide who should be blamed?

Won’t this world be a lot better place if people knew what to say, when to say it, & how to say it. 

Word Count: 350.

Helpless.

HOLY SMOKE!

Head skewed and staring into nothingness, as it seems. He seemed numb. Numb to the chilling cold penetrating  him slowly. Numb to the fascination of the pitch black sky that was dotted with countless points of light, glimmering with various degrees of brightness. Numb to any emotion that might jolt him out from the insensitivity that encompassed him.

SWEAR TO GOD! I'm not even kidding dude. I JUST saw a shooting star. It was freakin' awesome! Like it just sweeped across the sky. AND I know the difference between a plane and a shooting star. Trust me. I've never seen anything like that before.

I don't know if he was just uninterested in my irrelevant gibberish; or if he was too occupied with stuff to think about. Well, I do know. Too tired of sitting in the same posture, now he sat with his head locked between his knees, rocking back and forth. The sniffing making me anxious with each passing second. I continued:

You see those three stars in a line. They form the Orion's belt. And the four stars around it, yeah those ones, make him look like a hunter. I don't know how. (chuckles) Oh, and right below it, on the left side, you see that really bright one? Yup, that's Sirius. HAHAHA. No not like 'serious' Sirius, but like 'sirius' Sirius. Nevermind.

Nothing, nothing seemed to satisfy him. It was as if he had sealed himself in a protective bubble, impenetrable by any force, any rebellion, anything. He was exhausted. How can life be SO cruel, SO unfair?

And right there, you see that group of stars? It's really faint. you might have to look harder. They're a group of stars called Pleiades-the seven sisters. Yeah I know that sounds funny. Doesn't it? HUHH..

No it didn't. Nothing was amusing at that moment. No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, there are times when things are just not under your control. No matter how optimistic you try to be, or how much you strive to bring about order from the chaos, there is nothing you can do to make things right. Helpless, you are.

You just have to be with them, and assure them that things WILL be better soon. 'Cause for now, there's nothing, you can do.

Can you?

'Family isn't always blood. They're the people in your life who want you in theirs - the ones who would do anything to see you smile and who love you no matter what' - MMT.
Amen to that.

The Hunter.

The vibration jolted me up. Reaching out for my cell phone, I checked the time.
10:28 a.m.

AI can see Orion, the hunter during the night. It surprises me when people tell me they don’t know anything about the night sky. Have you ever gazed upward, towards the heavens and have seen how fascinating the glimpse is? Such an awe-inspiring glance it is. And how, just how can you miss it. The symmetry. The uplifting sentiment. The shimmering jewels of light against the pitch black background.

Around 3:30 p.m.
Realizing that it was the last day of the year wasn't much of a shock. Nothing important to be worried about. The shining belt, the sword raised, ready to aim for the target-the Orion, it gestures somewhere. Where? I donot have a single clue. But it sure does point out, in there amongst the gargantuan cloud of innumerable dazzling points of light. Should I trace that path? Where does it end? Does it even lead somewhere? Answers, aren't important enough to be worried about.

Around 10:45 p.m.

The smiling faces, ecstatic hearts, glee souls chatting their hearts out. There obviously isn't anything important to be worried about. With the target in front and about to make that single deadly slash, it's hunting for something. The thing. Smart guy, had the correct tools and the end in mind from the beginning. But still havn't been able to get what he wanted. Maybe something is just not right.Something's lacking. I, shouldn't worry about it since it isn't important enough.

Around midnight.
The brilliant flashes light up the night sky, tearing down the pitch black backdrop. Roars, laughs, appaulds. It went away, the Orion. I guess he found what he was looking for. Excuse me, hunting for is what I meant to say. From the overwhelming thought came an upsurging feeling. What have I been hunting for all along? Maybe this all isn't as difficult and tangled up as it seems. Or it might be? Do I have the end in my mind?

Some things are just important to be worried about.
They just are.