Project '3x10': Day 14 - F#&! YOU, B@%#!

...Okay you should really get to writing something. Words are not going to just pour off your head, trust me. What is there left to write about anyway. Maybe it's just because my life isn't happening enough. Or maybe there is just too much crap filled inside your brain you can't just sort out stuff. You do know something is wrong. I mean, when was the last time you made a satisfactory decision for yourself? As far as i know, you worry more about weather to put a period or an exclamation at the end of your sentence before you can get to anything else. You're such a mess. You know, either way, the world isn't gonna end for you. Just keep going and be happy with whatever comes in your way; that's the key to contentment after all. If being happy was that easy, I would've been the happiest person alive on this planet. What do you want to do then? You sure as hell can not just sit here and decide what would be the perfect path to take for the rest of your life. I know I can get to whatever I want, but I just don't know what should I run after, and run away from. What if it wasn't the best for me? That doesn't matter. You're gonna get to whatever it is, AND you're going to be happy. Genuinely happy. You just need to give it a chance. And just go with it. I'm exhausted to the bone, thinking about what to do and what not to do. If everything just goes to shit for just making a single bad choice, I won't know how to fix it. You've been there, you've done it before, and here you are still standing. You need to shut down, keep calm and do something, SOMETHING.

Indecision is such a bitch. I swear.

Project '3x10' - Day 13: Uncertainty.

...
"Reasons I don't talk to you anymore:
  1. You're stupid.
  2. You forget everything I say.
  3. All the shit that comes out of your mouth makes me so mad!"

"So what, EXACTLY, do you want me to tell you then? I want to know. Seriously"

"You know what, IDK. 
 Lately, every existing person had been a source of annoyance and hatred. And I have absolutely no idea what I want from you, or anyone else, or even myself. All I want to do is to sit alone, and not see or hear anybody. I'm done with everything and myself. I really don't have a desire to live anymore. What is there to look forward to anyway? I feel like I've had enough.
..
And when I look at myself, I disappoint myself because I am angry, and sad, and weird all the time, and then I'm bitchy to all those around me. The way I talk to everyone isn't the way I want to be talked to, or isn't even who I used to be." 

"I think I can relate. Idk I just see everyone so much determined, happy and successful, and I feel insecure. I just don't want anymore people and shit in my life. Now I just hear people talk and I don't even care what they're talking about.
 I have no idea what to do next.."

"Sometimes, I just wish I had a new life, with new places and new people. Things might get better then..
 But mostly, I can't wait for this life to end.

 Goodnight."
...

Project '3 x 10' - Day 12: ...

The Universe works in its own peculiar ways, generating cause and effect, governing every impulse. Transforming fate into happening, projecting imagination onto reality, unfolding as every moment ticks by.

And somewhere amongst the hazy stardust and entities functioning flawlessly, we want every passing second to be perfect in our own way. Too infinitesimally unimportant we are, and still brilliantly selfish to expect.

Only if we knew.

Project 3 x 10 - Day 10: Untitled.

Long story short, we live among a bunch of quasi-perfect beings who don't seem to get tired putting on the charade of being considerate for you. This is beyond sickening.

But what about the society, man!?

Society? Fuck society. If this intricate web of fake relations and bogus emotions is all that it's about, then one is better off without 'The Society'.
All that one could ever wish for, is someone who'd be there for them at times. And not just the good ones. Someone who'd long for the slightest smile, no matter how bleak the night is. Someone who'd stand beside them even after the hardest fall.

But what would other people think about it!?

Other people? I've seen bridges getting burnt and ships getting sunk. And these other people brilliantly played as spectators, applauding with every single shreik, of dreams tore apart, of hopes broken down.
One day in life, you have to realize that you just can't please everyone. No matter what. So you pack your stuff up, and go on with whatever there is coming your way, not give a damn to what the melodramatic beings might judge you upon and start making decisions that actually mean to you. That is what it's all about.
No I couldn't think of an appropriate caption that might go with all this gibberish, because guess what? You're going to judge me and every single word that comes out of ne anyway. Aren't you? So why bother?

If for once, everybody did what makes others happy, the world will be such a better place. Trust me.

Project '3x 10' - Day 9: The dead end.

He began with the end in mind. He was certain where he was headed. But when it happened, time and space came to a abrupt halt. It wasn't supposed to be like this.
The little pieces of detail fitted together like a jigsaw puzzle in his very own subconscious mind; waiting to be summoned to the conscious portal of the brain as soon as they were required. He knew each and every turn of the maze like the back of his hand. Shit. Nobody knows the back of their hand. The details were a part of him, undulating with every single heartbeat.
People love metaphors. Don't they? They like things aesthetically associated, in a harmonic proportion with one another. Tangled together perfectly. But for him, it was a wildfire out there. No one trust able. Nothing to be relied upon. The next step he takes determines the rest of the course he will be embarked upon. As though a domino had been toppled over, generating a ripple that causes the rest to follow, one by one.
He wasn't disappointed for the lack of direction in his life. Rather he was overwhelmed by the number of directions he had to comprehend and choose from. The maze was a conundrum in itself. But he wasn't scared to make a decision. He never was. What frightened him was the fear of the far-fetched. The unknown. He needed to fight off the insecurities and come to an absolute conclusion, and he did.
And then happened what he never would've imagined about. How could he? The idea was mere nothingness in itself. A numbing sensation made way through his spine, down the nerves and trickling into every muscle of his existence. His eyes, blinded by the bleak darkness. His ears, deafened by the encumbering silence.
The dead end.

Perfection.

He moved his fingers around the base of the glass cup. Round. Cold. Sleek. Sexy.
Perfect.
And the very next moment the cup was moving towards the ground. More like the ground seemed to be gravitating towards the cup. As soon as they made a connection, the glass transformed into a mass of tiny crystals. Each single shard flying off in every possible direction, escaping the perfection it used to be a part of.
And now as he stands there, watching innumerable little remnants of a once flawless entity; he realizes that there's literally nothing to put it all back together. Each little piece of glass creates its own tiny rainbow, throwing colors over his twisted face; reminding him of all the emotions that stormed inside of him, before he let it go.
Illusion.

Project '3 x 10' - Day 6: Not-so-pleasures.

It's when your own loved ones let you down, breaching your every single ray of hope, of trust and belief you were left with.

It's when you're the focal point of uninvited criticism that you have to deal with every second of your life, turning your existence into a mere joke.

It's when you have to say goodbyes, not having a single clue where if your fates will ever converge again.

It's when you're helpless, and devastated. And you try to come up with any reason you could think of to justify the question: Why, I exist?

It's when you haven't had a single bite of cheesecake for over years what it seems like. 

It's when hope and staying strong are only delicate words out of a fictional story, and the fear of the unknown and unexpected crushes you slowly.

It's when you try to put your thoughts in words. But you're too exhausted of emotions and the suffering, that you just sit there, tongue tied.

It's when you're too far away to actually 'be there' for them. And you just rely on the mystic forces controlling the being, and pray, that everything will be alright. 

It's when you're way too disarrayed regarding your life, looking for that one single direction to head towards.

It's when you strive to bring a change, but people throw sticks and stones at you because they’re too ignorant.

It’s when you know that money can’t buy happiness, and still you wish your parents were filthy rich.

It’s when you take a bite of mint chocolate ice-cream, and realize how it was the worst idea mankind ever came up with.

It’s when you look back at life and wish you hadn't wasted your time on things and people who didn’t deserve it, at any cost.

It’s when you dip your biscuit in the tea for too long, and it just disappears. Leaving you with a half biscuit and whole disappointment.

It’s these not-so-pleasures in life, which blow everything worthwhile.

Word Count: 331.

Project '3 x 10' - Day 4: Conundrum.

   It's the same thing, over, and over again. Circumnavigating around the same purpose, putting your existence to no use. Wasteful.
   Is this actually what we are here for? What is this all about? We come here, longing for a better future; which in our case is nothing more than a fine dinner, couple of clothes, better mileage cars and what not. We are put to a cat mouse race and are horded like animals. We cheat, lie, steal, hate, envy, fight, grudge; and in the end, everyone ends loosing something. Everything.
   Each one of us ends up at the same place. Don't we? The frightening darkness where past, present and future does not hold the slightest meaning. Where gravity crushes you with all its might, but pain, suffering and agony has no interpretation. And you descend downwards, day after day, layers and layers of Earth forcing you beneath, into an unimaginably heated up core of the planet. And you end up into sweltering material, like everybody else, fueling the kiln till you're supposed to do so.
   What is it then? The relations, these emotions, society, politics, morals, innovation? Are we really a part of a master plan? Every one of us carrying out our insignificant role, moving in the same direction as this plan approaches fulfillment. Maybe it isn't so dextrous as we imagine it to be. Maybe we are just mere coincidence, waiting to be extinct again. Waiting for the vastness of this Universe to be dead silent, pitch black & frigidly cruelly frigid again.
But then again, God does not play dice with the Universe.
Existence, is a conundrum.


 "Our sunsets have been reduced to wavelengths and frequencies. The complexities of the Universe shredded into mathematical equations. Science proclaims that we are a meaningless speck in the grand scheme. A cosmic accident'' - Dan Brown

Word Count: 307.