Project '3x10' - Day 14: Pages from a wasted childhood.

   Owning a barren piece of land that stretches far into the horizon and all four directions is the best thing one could ever ask for. Well, not really. I had a hard time starting from the scratch honestly, especially at such a young age. All I acquired was a couple of hay bales and barely any tools to start off. Even though at times it did occur to me that I had better and far more productive things to do, but again, it was worth a shot. And the youth injecting your veins with passion, zeal and fervor. And most importantly, the boredom. Let's just not forget about the intolerably excruciating boredom.

   So I started plowing some inch by inch ridiculously minuscule pieces of land, and then sowed them with seeds ranging from soybeans, strawberries, spinach to baby corn, balloons and birthday cake plants; and even shaved ice, snow-woman, candy cane shrubs on Christmas, to some probably-poisonous-plant-whose-name-you-can't-even-pronounce on shit day. So the ultimate entrepreneurial farmer part came at this stage when I had to actually calculate how many of those ridiculous shit plants I had to grow for this virtual money that I won't actually ever have, also taking into consideration the amount of time they'd take to sprout and fully mature. Because, supposedly, they'd wither and die off if not harvested AY-ASS-AY-PEE. Horrifyingly ridiculous, if you ask me. So after a whole day of sowing, and watering and fertilizing, I had to keep an alarm nearby just so my virtual money doesn't get to waste, and wake up at 4 in the morning to harvest these things. And well, what do you know, you might have enough money to buy a bizarre decoration that is so small that you could shove it up your ass, pretty comfortably. 

   Oh and there's absolutely no concept of vacationing, just in case you were wondering. And the cycle continues. And hopefully, one day these painstakingly endless hours of working make you rich enough to buy a house that is again placed inside of your field, just so you know you won't get to see a happily ever after ending anytime sooner. And the list doesn't just end here, I was technically coerced, yes I used the word coerced, to get around my neighborhood taking care of their crops and tending to their animals. Now what sort of subversive humanitarianism that is. Hmph. 

   Periodically, you'd get these challenges that you were again, coerced to participate in. And as your experience as a professional augmented, you were rewarded with a disgusting title like Fancy farmer or Jolly Rancher. And were given, as a present, a couple of more creepy looking gnomes or alien cows. And all along the way, you technically had no command over your facial emotions and expressions. No matter how much of pain you might be enduring, you basically just smiled the whole day, or maybe it was a creepy-ish grin.

   Well that went all great with me for a couple of years, until I decided I had way more important stuff at pending than my virtual forget-me-not plants and chocolate cows.

   All thanks to Farmville. 

Project '3x10': Day 14 - F#&! YOU, B@%#!

...Okay you should really get to writing something. Words are not going to just pour off your head, trust me. What is there left to write about anyway. Maybe it's just because my life isn't happening enough. Or maybe there is just too much crap filled inside your brain you can't just sort out stuff. You do know something is wrong. I mean, when was the last time you made a satisfactory decision for yourself? As far as i know, you worry more about weather to put a period or an exclamation at the end of your sentence before you can get to anything else. You're such a mess. You know, either way, the world isn't gonna end for you. Just keep going and be happy with whatever comes in your way; that's the key to contentment after all. If being happy was that easy, I would've been the happiest person alive on this planet. What do you want to do then? You sure as hell can not just sit here and decide what would be the perfect path to take for the rest of your life. I know I can get to whatever I want, but I just don't know what should I run after, and run away from. What if it wasn't the best for me? That doesn't matter. You're gonna get to whatever it is, AND you're going to be happy. Genuinely happy. You just need to give it a chance. And just go with it. I'm exhausted to the bone, thinking about what to do and what not to do. If everything just goes to shit for just making a single bad choice, I won't know how to fix it. You've been there, you've done it before, and here you are still standing. You need to shut down, keep calm and do something, SOMETHING.

Indecision is such a bitch. I swear.

   "What is it? My dear?" 
   "Ah, how can we bear it?" 
   "Bear what?" 
   "This. For so short a time. How can we sleep this time away?" 
   "We can be quiet together, and pretend – since it is only the 
beginning - that we have all the time in the world." 
   "And every day we shall have less. And then none." 
   "Would you rather, therefore, have had nothing at all?" 

   "No. This is where I have always been coming to. Since my time began. And when I go away from here, this will be the mid-point, to which everything ran, before, and from which everything will run. But now, my love, we are here, we are now, and those other times are running elsewhere."


– A.S. Byatt, Possession

Project '3x10' - Day 13: Uncertainty.

...
"Reasons I don't talk to you anymore:
  1. You're stupid.
  2. You forget everything I say.
  3. All the shit that comes out of your mouth makes me so mad!"

"So what, EXACTLY, do you want me to tell you then? I want to know. Seriously"

"You know what, IDK. 
 Lately, every existing person had been a source of annoyance and hatred. And I have absolutely no idea what I want from you, or anyone else, or even myself. All I want to do is to sit alone, and not see or hear anybody. I'm done with everything and myself. I really don't have a desire to live anymore. What is there to look forward to anyway? I feel like I've had enough.
..
And when I look at myself, I disappoint myself because I am angry, and sad, and weird all the time, and then I'm bitchy to all those around me. The way I talk to everyone isn't the way I want to be talked to, or isn't even who I used to be." 

"I think I can relate. Idk I just see everyone so much determined, happy and successful, and I feel insecure. I just don't want anymore people and shit in my life. Now I just hear people talk and I don't even care what they're talking about.
 I have no idea what to do next.."

"Sometimes, I just wish I had a new life, with new places and new people. Things might get better then..
 But mostly, I can't wait for this life to end.

 Goodnight."
...

Project '3 x 10' - Day 12: ...

The Universe works in its own peculiar ways, generating cause and effect, governing every impulse. Transforming fate into happening, projecting imagination onto reality, unfolding as every moment ticks by.

And somewhere amongst the hazy stardust and entities functioning flawlessly, we want every passing second to be perfect in our own way. Too infinitesimally unimportant we are, and still brilliantly selfish to expect.

Only if we knew.

Project '3 x 10' - Day 11: The Longest Time.

If you said goodbye to me tonight,

There would still be music left to write..

I peeked through the crack the unclosed door made into the auditorium. I wasn't really paying attention to whatever was being taught in the drama class anyway. First of all, it was towards the end of the day, and I was mostly exhausted by then. Secondly, the class was full of ghetto kids, I swear. For instance, this dark, melancholy kid who'd talk endlessly about dragons, leprechauns, and other stuff I was absolutely uninterested in. Or this red-haired girl who'd chatter about how her ex-boyfriend was more of a drama queen than her. 

Once I thought my innocence was gone,

Now I know that happiness goes on..

The more I tried concentrating on, whatever I was supposed to be doing, the more clearly I could make out individual voices echoing inside the auditorium behind me. I stepped back, away from the crowd of kids circumscribing the teacher. I sneaked in. Gently closing the door behind me, I tried reaching for a chair from where I could be out of the view. Just then, a unison of melodious voices flooded me.

Oh, oh, oh..
For the longest time..

And I sat there. Right there. It was as though my sixth sense had been turned on, which could recognize each and every single voice apart, and still it all blended together so well. So perfectly. Each note superimposed on the other, and they projected as a newborn entity. Never had I ever experienced something so symmetric. So harmonious.

What happened next? I begged the choir teacher to let me join in even though I sucked door-knobs at singing. I had a great time being a part of a dysfunctional family where no matter how much we'd love to stab each other in the back, in the end we all were together, doing what we all loved, together.

You know what they say: Do what you love, until you can love what you do.

Project 3 x 10 - Day 10: Untitled.

Long story short, we live among a bunch of quasi-perfect beings who don't seem to get tired putting on the charade of being considerate for you. This is beyond sickening.

But what about the society, man!?

Society? Fuck society. If this intricate web of fake relations and bogus emotions is all that it's about, then one is better off without 'The Society'.
All that one could ever wish for, is someone who'd be there for them at times. And not just the good ones. Someone who'd long for the slightest smile, no matter how bleak the night is. Someone who'd stand beside them even after the hardest fall.

But what would other people think about it!?

Other people? I've seen bridges getting burnt and ships getting sunk. And these other people brilliantly played as spectators, applauding with every single shreik, of dreams tore apart, of hopes broken down.
One day in life, you have to realize that you just can't please everyone. No matter what. So you pack your stuff up, and go on with whatever there is coming your way, not give a damn to what the melodramatic beings might judge you upon and start making decisions that actually mean to you. That is what it's all about.
No I couldn't think of an appropriate caption that might go with all this gibberish, because guess what? You're going to judge me and every single word that comes out of ne anyway. Aren't you? So why bother?

If for once, everybody did what makes others happy, the world will be such a better place. Trust me.

Project '3x 10' - Day 9: The dead end.

He began with the end in mind. He was certain where he was headed. But when it happened, time and space came to a abrupt halt. It wasn't supposed to be like this.
The little pieces of detail fitted together like a jigsaw puzzle in his very own subconscious mind; waiting to be summoned to the conscious portal of the brain as soon as they were required. He knew each and every turn of the maze like the back of his hand. Shit. Nobody knows the back of their hand. The details were a part of him, undulating with every single heartbeat.
People love metaphors. Don't they? They like things aesthetically associated, in a harmonic proportion with one another. Tangled together perfectly. But for him, it was a wildfire out there. No one trust able. Nothing to be relied upon. The next step he takes determines the rest of the course he will be embarked upon. As though a domino had been toppled over, generating a ripple that causes the rest to follow, one by one.
He wasn't disappointed for the lack of direction in his life. Rather he was overwhelmed by the number of directions he had to comprehend and choose from. The maze was a conundrum in itself. But he wasn't scared to make a decision. He never was. What frightened him was the fear of the far-fetched. The unknown. He needed to fight off the insecurities and come to an absolute conclusion, and he did.
And then happened what he never would've imagined about. How could he? The idea was mere nothingness in itself. A numbing sensation made way through his spine, down the nerves and trickling into every muscle of his existence. His eyes, blinded by the bleak darkness. His ears, deafened by the encumbering silence.
The dead end.

Perfection.

He moved his fingers around the base of the glass cup. Round. Cold. Sleek. Sexy.
Perfect.
And the very next moment the cup was moving towards the ground. More like the ground seemed to be gravitating towards the cup. As soon as they made a connection, the glass transformed into a mass of tiny crystals. Each single shard flying off in every possible direction, escaping the perfection it used to be a part of.
And now as he stands there, watching innumerable little remnants of a once flawless entity; he realizes that there's literally nothing to put it all back together. Each little piece of glass creates its own tiny rainbow, throwing colors over his twisted face; reminding him of all the emotions that stormed inside of him, before he let it go.
Illusion.

(Never) Let Go.

You close your eyes, a step further, and into you go, the unknown.

Project '3 x 10' - Day 8: Non-sense.

From far away, even the Earth and the sky seem to meet at a single point, but they don't. We're way too ignorant about the far-fetched, and hope is the only thing we can rely on.
But I'm scared of the future, of the unexpected, of the unpredictable. I've hooked up so many people on hope, saying time will make things right, will heal all those hideous wounds, will bring the best for you in the end. But what if nothing turns out the way we want it to be? What if their lives turn into shit? I'll be the one guilty. I'll be the one who elevated their hopes way too high. What if they actually had to take initiative, do something, anything, to put things in order? I'll be the one who distracted them off their paths that they were actually supposed to be on. I'm confused. And there's noting I can do about it.
Maybe it's all about belief. Belief in the fact that God has plans for us. Plans that our minds cannot comprehend. Plans that are inescapable. Belief in the fact that there are some reasons behind everything that happens, and we just have to accept them without questioning. Belief in the fact that whatever happens, happens for good.
I believe that our thoughts can eventually influence the out comings. That everything we see, we perceive, has a consciousness. And that we constantly interact and influence each other, even though we might not know about it. If we concentrate all our belief on something, all these 'conscious' things might agree with us and actually help us. And we can actually change the direction things will head on; turning them the way we want them to go on. Mystic forces. Cool stuff.
This does not make sense at all.

Word Count: 303.

Project '3 x 10'' - Day 7: Faayarwarks.

'Cause baby you're FAAAAAAYARWARKS!!!
OH DAYUM. Did she really!? O-o
Make 'em go WHOA, WHOA, WHOA...
Gorging down cups and cups of the strawberry flavored frozen yogurt was my favorite past-time. Except for skyping with thee bitchiest person you could ever think of, obviously. We would talk endlessly forever about the most random things on Earth. We would rant about how badly life sucks. We would gossip about every single living creature on the planet. We would discuss matters when every next step we took seemed crucial, and grave.
And putting it down all right now, I feel like I'm running out of adjectives. I feel like this needs to be perfect, in one way or another. I owe a lot to her, a-fuckin'-alot. I've been a confused person since ever. It's wonderful having a person who could actually understand, and make sense out of the most nonsensical and bizarre things for you. Who'll tell you exactly where you fall short, and where you rule out everybody else. Who would be far beyond the cliched image of a typical great friend every person seem to have in his/her mind.
For a whole year, this would be the only person I was eager to talk to every single day. Even though I really couldn't. I remember skyping with her all day long, along with munching on flavored yogurts, chips, strawberries, PB&Js, string cheese, oranges, and probably everything that was available to me at hand. I could, and I would, go on and on about how amazing she had been, and still is. But I know that I'm either going to exaggerate it too much. Or I'll be left confused with thinking about proper words to put it in, like always.
It's her birthday today. I believe in fate. I believe God had me through enough sufferings and he wanted me to see how the bright side of life feels like. And that is why I know her today. Qaneeta. Thank you. Thank you for just, everything.
I wish I had better words to put it in.

Project '3 x 10' - Day 6: Not-so-pleasures.

It's when your own loved ones let you down, breaching your every single ray of hope, of trust and belief you were left with.

It's when you're the focal point of uninvited criticism that you have to deal with every second of your life, turning your existence into a mere joke.

It's when you have to say goodbyes, not having a single clue where if your fates will ever converge again.

It's when you're helpless, and devastated. And you try to come up with any reason you could think of to justify the question: Why, I exist?

It's when you haven't had a single bite of cheesecake for over years what it seems like. 

It's when hope and staying strong are only delicate words out of a fictional story, and the fear of the unknown and unexpected crushes you slowly.

It's when you try to put your thoughts in words. But you're too exhausted of emotions and the suffering, that you just sit there, tongue tied.

It's when you're too far away to actually 'be there' for them. And you just rely on the mystic forces controlling the being, and pray, that everything will be alright. 

It's when you're way too disarrayed regarding your life, looking for that one single direction to head towards.

It's when you strive to bring a change, but people throw sticks and stones at you because they’re too ignorant.

It’s when you know that money can’t buy happiness, and still you wish your parents were filthy rich.

It’s when you take a bite of mint chocolate ice-cream, and realize how it was the worst idea mankind ever came up with.

It’s when you look back at life and wish you hadn't wasted your time on things and people who didn’t deserve it, at any cost.

It’s when you dip your biscuit in the tea for too long, and it just disappears. Leaving you with a half biscuit and whole disappointment.

It’s these not-so-pleasures in life, which blow everything worthwhile.

Word Count: 331.

Project '3 x 10' - Day 5: Pleasures.

It’s when you spray so much whipped cream in your mouth it won’t close at all.

It’s when you walk bare feet on a cold floor, making every pore of your body shiver pleasingly.

It’s when you smell a newly bought book, your consciousness making contact with the words inside.

It’s when you put your hand inside a bag of rice, and every single grain brushes against it as you retract it.

It’s when you succeed in making a goal for the first time in life, taking the soccer ball all across the field by yourself.

It’s when someone replies your text with a single smile, and it just makes your day brighter.

It’s when you listen to that very same song for the gazillionth time, every word of it as though new to you.

It’s when you laugh so hard for that one joke, ending up literally on the floor laughing.

It’s when you successfully manage to put a whole gol gappa inside your mouth without making a mess.

It’s when you finally get the right answer to a math problem that you’ve been trying to solve since god knows when.

It’s when you stand under sunlight forever on a frigid cold day, as rays of light bombard you and the warmth penetrates all across your skin down to each single cell.

It’s when someone thanks you for that little favor you did without even thinking about it once.

It’s when you get an unexpected call as soon as the clock strikes midnight on your birthday.

It's when it rains after a whole day of scorching heat, and you just let the miniature drops of heaven fall down and drench you till you're satisfied as you wish to be.

It’s those little pleasures in life, which make it all worthwhile.

Word Count: 301.

Project '3 x 10' - Day 4: Conundrum.

   It's the same thing, over, and over again. Circumnavigating around the same purpose, putting your existence to no use. Wasteful.
   Is this actually what we are here for? What is this all about? We come here, longing for a better future; which in our case is nothing more than a fine dinner, couple of clothes, better mileage cars and what not. We are put to a cat mouse race and are horded like animals. We cheat, lie, steal, hate, envy, fight, grudge; and in the end, everyone ends loosing something. Everything.
   Each one of us ends up at the same place. Don't we? The frightening darkness where past, present and future does not hold the slightest meaning. Where gravity crushes you with all its might, but pain, suffering and agony has no interpretation. And you descend downwards, day after day, layers and layers of Earth forcing you beneath, into an unimaginably heated up core of the planet. And you end up into sweltering material, like everybody else, fueling the kiln till you're supposed to do so.
   What is it then? The relations, these emotions, society, politics, morals, innovation? Are we really a part of a master plan? Every one of us carrying out our insignificant role, moving in the same direction as this plan approaches fulfillment. Maybe it isn't so dextrous as we imagine it to be. Maybe we are just mere coincidence, waiting to be extinct again. Waiting for the vastness of this Universe to be dead silent, pitch black & frigidly cruelly frigid again.
But then again, God does not play dice with the Universe.
Existence, is a conundrum.


 "Our sunsets have been reduced to wavelengths and frequencies. The complexities of the Universe shredded into mathematical equations. Science proclaims that we are a meaningless speck in the grand scheme. A cosmic accident'' - Dan Brown

Word Count: 307.

Project '3 x 10' - Day 3: H.O.P.E.

       I was awestruck. Obviously, I had never, ever, seen such a gargantuan edifice. Probably because I belonged to Pueblo.
       Walking into the Colorado Springs mall, my eyes tried to take in all the information at a glance, which was inadequate, nonetheless. Can't remember the name of the mall; it probably doesn't matter anyway, since there were a dozen more malls like the one I was standing in, for sure, sprawled all across the city. Eyes darting back and forth, I could see every single thing there, you just name it. I was new to U.S. Everything was different; rather sparkling, sleek, appealing.
      Winding across the labyrinth of innumerable shops, going through the awkward stepping-on-the-escalator moments, we entered a random shop selling some cool stuff. Stuff that I wasn't really interested in. But what caught my attention was this blonde girl peeping from behind a shelf. I was used to it; people looking at me with awe-inspiring gazes, wondering how on earth an alien like me ended up amongst them. It wasn't frustrating at all. I felt special. I remember wearing a shalwar kameez that day. I thought maybe she was interested in the peculiar clothing I had on.. But it was something else that she noted.
       She finally strided towards me. About 16, beautiful blonde hair. I was pretty sure she was Italian. Should've asked her when I could've. She initiated the converstaion. It was the second phrase that took me aback. Is she like, kidding me! must've been my mistake. I asked her again, I'm sorry what did you say your name is?
Hope.
Hope Scott.
That, my friend, is a really cool name. I said to myself.
We talked about the usual it's-so-awesome-to-be-an-exchange-student stuff. And then she asked me what she had been so tempted to ask from the beginning.
Are you Muslim?
Well, DUHH! Again, talking to myself.
I answered in affirmation. And then she narrated regarding how she was a Christian by birth, but she just converted to Islam a couple of moths back. I could see how happy, and hopeful, she was to see me. She found someone as alien as she was. She also introduced me to her friends. And then she started telling me about how her parents don't like this choice she made.
I felt it coming. Sort of. She asked me if I'd like to see her parents. How could I've said no. Her parents  seemed uninterested, or maybe disgusted. I have no idea.
I added her on Facebook the first thing after getting back home. She'd occasionally talk to me about her struggle she's going through. And it kindled a hope somewhere within me. After a couple of months, she changed her names to Fatima. I was deeply happy  ecstatic about it; the way she was sticking to her beliefs and paving way for a better life for herself, where she can live according to her own rules with no regrets, no blames.
I have no idea where is she? how is she? or what is she doing right now? She just disappeared off of Facebook one day. I did try to search for her. Didn't work. I just wish wherever she is, and however she is, she believes that she WILL get there one day.
It's all about hope after all. Isn't it?

Word Count: 554.

'3 x 10' - Day 2: Ehsaas-e-Jurm.

...Hamain itni bulandi se koi cheez vaazeh nazar nahin aati. Ham aasmaan se qareeb ho kar zameeni haqaiq se door ho jate hain. Ham apni apni ana or khwahishaat k ghoron par sawaar ho kar zabaan-o-qalam ko talwaar bana kar haath main pakar lete hain or phir sachaiyoon ko aesa taar taar karte hain k ikhlaqiyaat se ghasib lutairoon ko bhi maat de daalte hain...
                                                                                                -Hamid Mir.

I get the point. Everybody wants to be heard. One way or another, every person wants his/her opinions, ideas and emotions conveyed. And it’s absolutely OK with me. It’s the consequence of human existence, after all. We interact with each other, impacting the thoughts, beliefs and perspectives of people as we move on with the trail of our lives. Our minds perceive that impact and either condemn it, accept it, or alter the previously held perspectives. The end result: expression. We need others to acknowledge the effects the impact had on our minds. And again, that is all OK.

But then the picture gets ugly.

With this constant impulse to express yourself, people really don’t seem to care whether they’re saying the right thing or not. Whether their actions satisfy the moral limits set by the society. Whether their opinions uphold the esteem of people they’ll most likely impact. They just go on & on with stuff that’s nothing more than mere gibberish by that point.

With the media gaining power day after day and becoming a primary factor that influences people’s lives at every level, I’m becoming more assertive of the fact that not everybody should be entitled to express themselves at all times. People might not agree with me regarding this matter, but I’d rather search for truth myself than listen to hypocrites who twist, turn and exaggerate a simple fact in so many weird ways that it becomes hideously disgusting. Why not just lay it all out all there and let us decide who should be blamed?

Won’t this world be a lot better place if people knew what to say, when to say it, & how to say it. 

Word Count: 350.

'3 x 10' - Day 1:Of cheesecake & awesomeness.

For some people having cheesecake might be a matter of life and death. For me, it's way more than that.
Maybe its about the soothing feeling when the creamy heavens brush against your pallet. Or maybe about the relatively hard crust when it crunches in your mouth; making water pour from the insides. Or maybe about experiencing both the orgasmic feelings at the same time. And you just go missing in the amazement a single bite of such a wonderful entity could produce, for infinity, and beyond.
I faintly remember having it for the first time. Strawberries sophisticatedly lying around, making it look like a scene from a black & white movie; like some inferior beings praising the wholesomeness in front of them. Glimmering from the light above, the scene in front of me was no dream. Rather a dream come true. How come I never knew a thing like that ever even existed. The perfectness and flawlwssness pouring out from every single molecule of the its existence.
The feeling took some time to set in. Like the consciousness being carried through every single blood vessel to every single cell of my body. With that single bite, a whole new world of craziness and awesomeness welcomes you. And the next second, it's gone. Gone as the creamy delight slowly fades into nothingness. And then you look forward to your next chance to suffer the roller coaster of buttery emotions all over again. Knowing that with every individual attempt, the awesomeness is vanishing away. So you try with your all might to overcome the lust. But in the end, your urge succeeds.
The scene is still the same; minus the velvety , off course. And you tell yourself: Mayyyn! that was thee best one ever! Just like you did a gazillion times when you had it before.
Those little things in life mean alot, sometimes.
And by the way, that was all about just a cheesecake. Believe me.

Word Count: 327.

3 x 10.

It's hard being productive. Isn't it?
I have a habit of reviewing my whole day before I doze off. Things I did, things I shouldv'e done.Things I should care about , things that really don't matter. And well, some other things. And almost every single night, I end up at the same conclusion: You didn't do shit bro.
Life seems aimless at the moment. And with aimless-ness, comes monotonous. And finally dissatisfaction succeeds. With an upsurging urge to be motivated, I needed to find a way out.
So I finally came up with this idea: Project '3 x 10' For the next '3x10' days, I'll be writing about stuff I admire, stuff that inspires, stuff that matters & a lot more. The only rules are:
-I CANNOT miss a single day. It's all about commitment, afterall.
-The posts have to be of or more than 300 words long.
I hope these 30 days pay off well. After all,  It's OK to take baby steps. You'll get there in the end.
Believe me.

Helpless.

HOLY SMOKE!

Head skewed and staring into nothingness, as it seems. He seemed numb. Numb to the chilling cold penetrating  him slowly. Numb to the fascination of the pitch black sky that was dotted with countless points of light, glimmering with various degrees of brightness. Numb to any emotion that might jolt him out from the insensitivity that encompassed him.

SWEAR TO GOD! I'm not even kidding dude. I JUST saw a shooting star. It was freakin' awesome! Like it just sweeped across the sky. AND I know the difference between a plane and a shooting star. Trust me. I've never seen anything like that before.

I don't know if he was just uninterested in my irrelevant gibberish; or if he was too occupied with stuff to think about. Well, I do know. Too tired of sitting in the same posture, now he sat with his head locked between his knees, rocking back and forth. The sniffing making me anxious with each passing second. I continued:

You see those three stars in a line. They form the Orion's belt. And the four stars around it, yeah those ones, make him look like a hunter. I don't know how. (chuckles) Oh, and right below it, on the left side, you see that really bright one? Yup, that's Sirius. HAHAHA. No not like 'serious' Sirius, but like 'sirius' Sirius. Nevermind.

Nothing, nothing seemed to satisfy him. It was as if he had sealed himself in a protective bubble, impenetrable by any force, any rebellion, anything. He was exhausted. How can life be SO cruel, SO unfair?

And right there, you see that group of stars? It's really faint. you might have to look harder. They're a group of stars called Pleiades-the seven sisters. Yeah I know that sounds funny. Doesn't it? HUHH..

No it didn't. Nothing was amusing at that moment. No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, there are times when things are just not under your control. No matter how optimistic you try to be, or how much you strive to bring about order from the chaos, there is nothing you can do to make things right. Helpless, you are.

You just have to be with them, and assure them that things WILL be better soon. 'Cause for now, there's nothing, you can do.

Can you?

They do come true. They really do.

Source: Clouds in my coffee.

Knock me down.

One moment, you think you have every single thing you EVER wanted.
And the next moment, it's all gone.
It's annoying how such a little thing can change everything in a glimpse. The moment that drains out even the last drop of ecstasy you were left with. And then blows it away. A worthless piece of shit it makes you feel like.
I wish, I was never, ever, born. The same chant reverberating in your mind again and again. The geyser of emotions building up with every moment, looking for that single crack to let it all out from. The weight of worthlessness, of the consciousness of the fact that your existence might even be a mere joke to someone, crushing your shoulders. The end point, where the turbulence inside is freed from the hypothetical boundary of patience; and would make way for a calm and soothing waves of emotions. And you, you just hang in there somehow. You just levitate between the two distinct states of emotional imbalance; of letting it be, or letting it all out.
But then again, it's not about making a choice. It's about realizing that no one, absolutely no one has the right to raise a finger and point out who you are and who you should be. If you are familiar with your real self and your worth, then there's no existing force to break you down.
After all, life is all about waking up in the morning, looking at the mirror, and finding yourself face to face with the person you're most familiar with. About smiling because you know that person's competence, and that he means something, to someone.
Believe me.

'Family isn't always blood. They're the people in your life who want you in theirs - the ones who would do anything to see you smile and who love you no matter what' - MMT.
Amen to that.