Project '3x10': Day 14 - F#&! YOU, B@%#!

...Okay you should really get to writing something. Words are not going to just pour off your head, trust me. What is there left to write about anyway. Maybe it's just because my life isn't happening enough. Or maybe there is just too much crap filled inside your brain you can't just sort out stuff. You do know something is wrong. I mean, when was the last time you made a satisfactory decision for yourself? As far as i know, you worry more about weather to put a period or an exclamation at the end of your sentence before you can get to anything else. You're such a mess. You know, either way, the world isn't gonna end for you. Just keep going and be happy with whatever comes in your way; that's the key to contentment after all. If being happy was that easy, I would've been the happiest person alive on this planet. What do you want to do then? You sure as hell can not just sit here and decide what would be the perfect path to take for the rest of your life. I know I can get to whatever I want, but I just don't know what should I run after, and run away from. What if it wasn't the best for me? That doesn't matter. You're gonna get to whatever it is, AND you're going to be happy. Genuinely happy. You just need to give it a chance. And just go with it. I'm exhausted to the bone, thinking about what to do and what not to do. If everything just goes to shit for just making a single bad choice, I won't know how to fix it. You've been there, you've done it before, and here you are still standing. You need to shut down, keep calm and do something, SOMETHING.

Indecision is such a bitch. I swear.

   "What is it? My dear?" 
   "Ah, how can we bear it?" 
   "Bear what?" 
   "This. For so short a time. How can we sleep this time away?" 
   "We can be quiet together, and pretend – since it is only the 
beginning - that we have all the time in the world." 
   "And every day we shall have less. And then none." 
   "Would you rather, therefore, have had nothing at all?" 

   "No. This is where I have always been coming to. Since my time began. And when I go away from here, this will be the mid-point, to which everything ran, before, and from which everything will run. But now, my love, we are here, we are now, and those other times are running elsewhere."


– A.S. Byatt, Possession

Project '3x10' - Day 13: Uncertainty.

...
"Reasons I don't talk to you anymore:
  1. You're stupid.
  2. You forget everything I say.
  3. All the shit that comes out of your mouth makes me so mad!"

"So what, EXACTLY, do you want me to tell you then? I want to know. Seriously"

"You know what, IDK. 
 Lately, every existing person had been a source of annoyance and hatred. And I have absolutely no idea what I want from you, or anyone else, or even myself. All I want to do is to sit alone, and not see or hear anybody. I'm done with everything and myself. I really don't have a desire to live anymore. What is there to look forward to anyway? I feel like I've had enough.
..
And when I look at myself, I disappoint myself because I am angry, and sad, and weird all the time, and then I'm bitchy to all those around me. The way I talk to everyone isn't the way I want to be talked to, or isn't even who I used to be." 

"I think I can relate. Idk I just see everyone so much determined, happy and successful, and I feel insecure. I just don't want anymore people and shit in my life. Now I just hear people talk and I don't even care what they're talking about.
 I have no idea what to do next.."

"Sometimes, I just wish I had a new life, with new places and new people. Things might get better then..
 But mostly, I can't wait for this life to end.

 Goodnight."
...

Project '3 x 10' - Day 12: ...

The Universe works in its own peculiar ways, generating cause and effect, governing every impulse. Transforming fate into happening, projecting imagination onto reality, unfolding as every moment ticks by.

And somewhere amongst the hazy stardust and entities functioning flawlessly, we want every passing second to be perfect in our own way. Too infinitesimally unimportant we are, and still brilliantly selfish to expect.

Only if we knew.

Project '3 x 10' - Day 11: The Longest Time.

If you said goodbye to me tonight,

There would still be music left to write..

I peeked through the crack the unclosed door made into the auditorium. I wasn't really paying attention to whatever was being taught in the drama class anyway. First of all, it was towards the end of the day, and I was mostly exhausted by then. Secondly, the class was full of ghetto kids, I swear. For instance, this dark, melancholy kid who'd talk endlessly about dragons, leprechauns, and other stuff I was absolutely uninterested in. Or this red-haired girl who'd chatter about how her ex-boyfriend was more of a drama queen than her. 

Once I thought my innocence was gone,

Now I know that happiness goes on..

The more I tried concentrating on, whatever I was supposed to be doing, the more clearly I could make out individual voices echoing inside the auditorium behind me. I stepped back, away from the crowd of kids circumscribing the teacher. I sneaked in. Gently closing the door behind me, I tried reaching for a chair from where I could be out of the view. Just then, a unison of melodious voices flooded me.

Oh, oh, oh..
For the longest time..

And I sat there. Right there. It was as though my sixth sense had been turned on, which could recognize each and every single voice apart, and still it all blended together so well. So perfectly. Each note superimposed on the other, and they projected as a newborn entity. Never had I ever experienced something so symmetric. So harmonious.

What happened next? I begged the choir teacher to let me join in even though I sucked door-knobs at singing. I had a great time being a part of a dysfunctional family where no matter how much we'd love to stab each other in the back, in the end we all were together, doing what we all loved, together.

You know what they say: Do what you love, until you can love what you do.

Project 3 x 10 - Day 10: Untitled.

Long story short, we live among a bunch of quasi-perfect beings who don't seem to get tired putting on the charade of being considerate for you. This is beyond sickening.

But what about the society, man!?

Society? Fuck society. If this intricate web of fake relations and bogus emotions is all that it's about, then one is better off without 'The Society'.
All that one could ever wish for, is someone who'd be there for them at times. And not just the good ones. Someone who'd long for the slightest smile, no matter how bleak the night is. Someone who'd stand beside them even after the hardest fall.

But what would other people think about it!?

Other people? I've seen bridges getting burnt and ships getting sunk. And these other people brilliantly played as spectators, applauding with every single shreik, of dreams tore apart, of hopes broken down.
One day in life, you have to realize that you just can't please everyone. No matter what. So you pack your stuff up, and go on with whatever there is coming your way, not give a damn to what the melodramatic beings might judge you upon and start making decisions that actually mean to you. That is what it's all about.
No I couldn't think of an appropriate caption that might go with all this gibberish, because guess what? You're going to judge me and every single word that comes out of ne anyway. Aren't you? So why bother?

If for once, everybody did what makes others happy, the world will be such a better place. Trust me.

Project '3x 10' - Day 9: The dead end.

He began with the end in mind. He was certain where he was headed. But when it happened, time and space came to a abrupt halt. It wasn't supposed to be like this.
The little pieces of detail fitted together like a jigsaw puzzle in his very own subconscious mind; waiting to be summoned to the conscious portal of the brain as soon as they were required. He knew each and every turn of the maze like the back of his hand. Shit. Nobody knows the back of their hand. The details were a part of him, undulating with every single heartbeat.
People love metaphors. Don't they? They like things aesthetically associated, in a harmonic proportion with one another. Tangled together perfectly. But for him, it was a wildfire out there. No one trust able. Nothing to be relied upon. The next step he takes determines the rest of the course he will be embarked upon. As though a domino had been toppled over, generating a ripple that causes the rest to follow, one by one.
He wasn't disappointed for the lack of direction in his life. Rather he was overwhelmed by the number of directions he had to comprehend and choose from. The maze was a conundrum in itself. But he wasn't scared to make a decision. He never was. What frightened him was the fear of the far-fetched. The unknown. He needed to fight off the insecurities and come to an absolute conclusion, and he did.
And then happened what he never would've imagined about. How could he? The idea was mere nothingness in itself. A numbing sensation made way through his spine, down the nerves and trickling into every muscle of his existence. His eyes, blinded by the bleak darkness. His ears, deafened by the encumbering silence.
The dead end.